Reflections of a Leaving Cert Mam
This year we have Leaving Cert in the house and as a double whammy Junior Cert too! It’s not the first time but our previous encounter with state exams was in 2020 which resulted in a very different experience. That was stress and uncertainty on a whole other level for exam households and everyone else too. And yet in spite of a cancelled Leaving Cert in the backdrop of a global pandemic, the class of 2020 muddled through and moved on. Admittedly it wasn’t without challenges and setbacks, but that extraordinary group of young people progressed into college courses, apprenticeships, workplaces and moved forward in their lives.
Having worked closely with exam students throughout my career, I am acutely aware of the levels of stress and anxiety attached to the Leaving Cert, particularly in the final countdown as it becomes the main topic of conversation across the media. As adults, we have the benefit of life experience, knowing that this exam will not define our young adults. But for the coming weeks the Leaving Cert will dictate conversations, time schedules, meal times and bring up a myriad of emotions for students and parents alike. Developments in education and pathways for school leavers (and adult learners too), have meant that there has never been so many routes available for young people (and not so young) to begin an interesting and varied career journey. Navigating the next couple of weeks is a part of that process.
As parents we can’t sit the exams for them, nor would we want to go back there! We can’t take away the heightened levels of stress being felt in our teens in the build up to next week but it is only natural for parents to take on the worry too. Our job is to ensure that we don’t let that take over. Concerns about not having enough done, fear of failure, not achieving the grades they require or the points the need are likely to surface, if they haven’t done so already. Over the coming days and during the exams we need to be careful to stay tuned in, listen more and say less. Tensions are bound to be high even if they lurk under the surface. That tends to settle once the exams start. Just being there to listen and give support will help, reassurance that we love and are proud of them not for what they achieve but for who they are and a reminder that, regardless of what happens they have lots of options available to them. It is a delicate balance between being around for them and giving them the space they need. Instead of hovering over them, we need to be hanging out in the wings so they are secure in the knowledge that we are there if they need us.
In practical terms there is lots we can do to help. We can have a copy of the timetable printed out with their exams highlighted or for the more tech savvy parent, added to a virtual calendar. This means we know their schedule and we are tuned into the days where stress levels may be higher. Although they may resist it, we need to encourage them to take breaks, have early nights and pace themselves in the last couple of days in the run up the exams and as they go on. The heatwave brings an added element of ensuring they don’t get sunburned or sick from over-exposure in such high temperatures. So add to the list reminders apply sunscreen and advice to stay out of the sun until it cools down in the evening. Having the fridge stacked with cold drinks and plenty food is a priority, as is keep the house as calm as possible. As they got through the exams, there are bound to be stumbles, often in the shape of a paper not going as hoped or the appearance of a curveball of a question. We need to let them express the emotion and then encourage them to move on to preparing for the next exam.
I have supported students preparing for the Leaving Cert and their parents for all of my career. This year I am more personally involved in the process so I will need to practice what I preach! That includes the power of hugs. I don’t think we can ever underestimate the power of a hug from a parent, even if they are 6 foot 3 and in my case it is a bit of a stretch!
To all Leaving Cert students and parents, I wish you the very best of luck. I share your journey (and your worries) this time around. I also share your sense of pride. It has been a tough year for our students and no doubt the household has felt it too. There are a couple of challenging weeks ahead but one of the biggest things I have learnt over the years is just how resilient young people really are, even in the most difficult of circumstances. They get through what life throws at them and get on it. I am reminded by the very simple and wise words of a 6th year student at a recent graduation ceremony, [It’ll] “be grand”!
And it will!